Is he cheating or is he gay?

My husband and I have been married for 5 years, in the beginning we had a great life, then our two boys came along and now we only have if I beg. And in truth, no, I have not gained weight or let myself go, I still attract men at work and when I go out. There was an incident when we seperated and during that seperation he quickly was in bed with another woman despite us not having , he always used the excuse he was tired or work stress etc. Now he has a new guy friend that he is very secretive about, they exchange texts (nothing ual but kinda feminine) like putting smiley faces on the end of a sentence, or or just texting to say hi. I have heard this guy is having similar marriage problems. I've met him and he seems to avoid me. My husband is "phobic", says it's a sickness, but yet he had a friend in his bachelor days that was very david bowie like, (had a girlfriend but had gay just for kicks), they spent a LOT Of time together. Am I right to worry.